Take back your power with forgiveness

Have you ever struggled with truly forgiving someone? Have you ever sat and thought that what someone has done to you is truly unforgivable? Have you ever thought that if you were to forgive that person that you may be exposing yourself to more of the hurt from that perpetrator or others like them? Have you ever reached out to support groups / friends / counsellors and professionals to explore the injustice of what happened to you? And truly I get this, it is an important step in the process as you grapple with what has happened to you and where you try to seek some sense of acknowledgement and support for the injustice. There may come some temporary relief but ultimately if you do not forgive, it is like continuing to drink from a poison chalice, one that may quench your thirst temporarily but can ultimately be a source of ongoing contamination for you.

As you sit in the place of unforgiveness, what feelings come up for you? Is it a sense of betrayal? Resentment? Anger? Sadness perhaps? Perhaps shame or grief? A feeling of unease? And you may not even know what it is or be able to identify it, as you may be holding unforgiveness from many many years ago, so much so that it has just become part of who you are, constantly filling the bucket of the bad stuff people / the world has done to me. Or you may be acutely aware of the effect of these events on who you are as a person and that these blocks are keeping you small. I am like this because “fill in the blank” happened to me many years ago and you do not know how to get out of the loop. Perhaps you do not even know that your state of being is affected by a bucket full of unforgiveness and resentment. If this resonates with you keep reading as there is hope to be freed from this energy of unforgiveness.

Let me preface this by saying also that forgiveness does not necessarily mean absolving the person from their wrongdoing, nor is it justifying their actions at all. Believe me, this is where I struggled for many years thinking if I forgive this person that means I am making them right or I am accepting their behavior as being ok. I would also kid myself at times and say I forgive you to make that other person feel better (my people pleasing ways), whilst still holding bitterness in my heart. I also believed it meant that holding on to unforgiveness was the way I have strong boundaries, by holding resentment against this person I can fortify my boundaries and keep myself safe. This was just plain wrong thinking and made me very rigid in my thinking - fearful, stuck and hypervigilant.

Forgiveness is not just for the other person’s sake. Nor does it mean in many situations that you forgive and now become besties or re-enter a toxic situation under the guise of forgiveness. You may have simply outgrown the association and learnt all the lessons from it and it may truly be that situation is no longer for you. Rather, forgiveness is for YOU out of the motivation of self love. To finally rid yourself of the toxic influence of having your energy contracted into lower vibrational emotions of animosity that can literally make you ill, stifle your growth and kill your dreams. Sitting in heavy energy becomes very taxing on the self and it is important to release to be able to experience expansion and wellbeing. And as we learn to forgive and release ourselves, a natural byproduct can be letting go of the victim mentality, the blame story and the pity party. There may also be a positive outcome in a seemingly negative situation even if you can’t see it yet – perhaps a life lesson, a change in direction and opening up of new more aligned opportunities and people. It is also important to be patient with oneself, as releasing sometimes lifetimes of unforgiveness can take time to process.

When you do not forgive, you also give your power away. The unforgiveness takes up energetic real estate in your body, mind and spirit, real estate overgrown from old weeds from the past that could be better utilized to grow a luscious garden of your choosing.

Here is a Prayer, inspired by Reverend Michael Beckwith, that is for you to release yourself and those that have wronged you. Say this as many times as you need to in your forgiveness practice until you feel released and this person / situation no longer triggers you. If you need help, reach out to me.

To your healing and empowerment xx

What you have done or not done cannot determine my destiny

I set you free and I set me free through the power of forgiveness

I release the toxins of animosity and hurt from my own mind, body and spirit

And I set myself free by setting you free

You cannot determine my destiny, that’s within my own hands now as I take back my power

I set you free and I forgive you

(Optional if you are called to ) I bless you and I wish you well